It hurts.

The phone rang and i answered it quickly, i could sense that my sister was weeping telling me she is gasping for air. Without any hesitation, i instantly took the car key and yelled at mom and Eugene that i was going over. I sped as if there was no car on the road, and i could feel the heat on face formed by the tears rolling down my cheeks. I rushed like an insane to her room looking at her pale face, asking her if she was not comfortable. I shouted like a mad woman to ask Eugene to carry her to the car and off to the driver seat immediately. I cant even reverse the car. Eugene took over the place and i saw her suffocating, needing more oxygen and i could help nothing. My tears were pouring as i turned around to look if she was alright repetitively. She was not okay. I squeezed myself through to the back, sitting beside her, holding her icy cold hand, rubbing her chest to make her warm. She held me real tight because the pain was unbearable. I was calling her in a mega high amplitude because there is a belief that if someone is going to cease, when you shout aloud he/she would hold until the very last breath because he/she could hear you. At the moment, I did not want her to shut her eyes because i foresaw thing that i was reluctant to face. So i yelled and i shouted but all of my efforts were in vain. She stopped answering when i saw white bubbles in the mouth and the dilation of her pupils. We arrived at the hospital, i screamed at them because i wanted them to be quick. She was sent to the emergency room. I prayed prayed and prayed although the chances of her being conscious again were very slim. Doctor then asked me in, saying that when she first arrived in the hospital, she had no heart beat and no breathing. Then they injected drugs for her heart to have the beat back and manually pumping oxygen to her. Doctor said by one hour if the heart is still depending on the drugs to beat, it means her heart could not function anymore. The doctor even said all of us might need to be prepared to face the fact. I knew how slim the chances were, but still, i hoped for miracles to happen but it did not. No matter how unwillingly i was to accept it, i had to. It feels like an invisible needle pierces through my heart and i could barely breathe. My entire world becomes so dimmed when i knew that i have lost one of the greatest women in my life. For good.


Rest in peace ah ma. I miss you. Really much.

Food juice.

OK i am blogging from the office! I feel so weak nowadays that i am armed with so much of sickness. T__T I just came back from the loo because the food inside my stomach needs to escape wtf. Recently, i dont know why after every meal that i consumed the intense push within will make me go uek oekk uekk and make me look so horrible like a pregnant lady who needs to go to the toilet to vomit every bi-hour!

Ever since Ken, Calvin and DY were transferred to the site, i never go out of this building to have lunch with colleagues already because i hate weather talk! Got la got la one friday i went out to eat with Eugene because Eugene has a two-hour break every friday! :D And so nowadays i always buy my food early in the morning and heat it up to eat as lunch so pity T__T but i insist it is much better than weather talk ok!

Some people got so nervous and tensed up when i told them i vomit everytime after i eat. These people are so crazy they thought i got pregnant! HAHAHAHAHAHAH I wish but if i were a pregnant lady i would purposely board a plane so that i could get what whole-life-free-flight thingy but Eugene said this privilege is no longer valid because it was banned due to the vast amount of aunties who attempt to board the plane just to get the pass. -___- I am also one of those cheapskates! Even watch movie also i'd prefer to go to the cinema on Wed because the tix is cheap! I dont care if i cannot watch it on the first day i only care about the money that i need to pay. -___-

*slaps forehead
Aiyak, i am telling you people about my health one how come suddenly become how am i being cheap! -__- So recently i dont feel like eating (urgh, so not me!) thinking of the consequences to bear after i eat will stop me from eating! Not binge eating you know its normal eating only so sad T___T But if you tempt me with boston's lala sorry very much i couldnt resist one i would eat so dont challenge! Today i just had a soggy pau and i ate only half of it only so wasted hor! I refuse to throw it away because i thought i would be hungry later but by staring at it, it doesnt stimulates the enzymes so i am throwing it!

And ya! I have just finished watching another episode of gossip girl! I love chuck!

Emo.

I have this sudden urge to blog and i mean write. I just wanna write out what's been hiding beneath my very true feelings all the while because there is no point of concealing it anymore. I find it so hard having to bury my own feelings just to please everyone's mind. I thought i could just close all the files of the past but i cant and i hate myself for being so fragile that i cant digest those hurtful words that one said. Be it impulsively or compulsively. And sometimes it leads to hatred and vengeance. I bursted out crying just like that yesterday night because my tear glen couldnt hold the pour anymore. And truth to be told, i tear everytime when it comes to linger in mind. Eugene who went to bed hours ago woke up in surprise and brainwashed WTF i mean comfort me that life's like this with abundant of theories and stories. At that time, i sensed a very intense radiance and it came from the halo on Eugene's head wtf.

Sometimes when your friends comfort you and show you their supports it doesnt mean that they really do. AND I AM NOT SAYING THAT ALL OF THEM FRIENDS ARE LIKE THAT. *hastily* Its like the sense in you lets you know who is actually praising you when there are a few of them utter out compliments. And sometimes, the flaws could be seen from their answers to your questions and i dont mean you create questions to judge them from their answers i mean impromptu conversation please dont get me wrong. Or sometimes from the way they approach the conversation. They are like twisting the truth and at the same time showing you their back and of sort i just couldnt prompt out a good explanation for a better understanding SORRY and i truthfully hope you get what i mean like seriously. T_T

I feel like spilling all these to someone but i never did until yesterday. Eugene was the first to know after so long. Mission phailed because i didnt close the files, in fact, i reopened it. Was it because she holds a too significant corner in my heart or because of me who minds too much? Leave it as a question.

At the same time, i am overwhelmed with gratitude too because there are truly some friends who stay and hold me despite of the figure that i possess T_T when the world is shaking. And have supper at boston together wtf. We might not be close last last time and i even stole your diary to read and made you had the most bizarre picture of primary school in mind. -_- But if you have not known yet, all of you are the superstars *possessed by Richard Reid WTF ok all of you resembles the pillar of strength of mine. Really. T_T Thankiu.

On a different note, i'm down with food poisoning because of my greediness. Yesterday night, I gobbled up the 30% cooked siham like there's no tomorrow because i enjoyed the moment where all the blood sprinkled in my mouth whenever i gnawed on them. And this morning i felt so dizzy in the office that i visited the loo so often and vomitted air and some very disgusting gaster juice. I told Eugene and he asked me to leave the office and go for a doctor but i insisted on staying because i do not want to waste my effort for waking up early just like that WTF. Up to a point, i couldnt stand the pain and the discomfort caused and i gave in and told the office i yam leaving. And very sweet of the doctor to give me 2 days of MC yayyy -_-

I hope my diarrhea persists and when i'm dehydrated the output will be the fats WTF

Thats all. Baiii.

Happy birthday!

Hello hello sorry for the delay of my HK post and this post is not about the trip as well wtf. Veron has been rushing me repetitively to write a post abbada trip but i have no time. And you know me well i love to procrastinate. T___T Still, i spent my time filtering all the pictures due to my itchy hands during the trip. -_- I find excitement in taking picture like this.....


HAHAHAHAHAHAH Dont you think its funny?!! HHAHAHAHAHAH

or like this....


HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHHAHAH AHAHHAHAHAHA!

Back to my sole purpose of this post! -__-

Hope that you meet the opportunity to climb the corporate ladder so that you could give me lotsa money to shop til i drop WTF

Hope that the lottery ticket that we bought appear in the first prize column WTF

Hope that when one day we open your car's boot, there will be a bucket of money in it WTF

WTFFFF why all my wishes is about money and the main beneficiary is always ME one!

Okay serious serious! *solemn

Hope that everything that you've planned could be achieved within the timeline you set! This is also about money. T_T

It sounds better this way. May this year bring you a step closer to your life goals! :D:D

And...

Hope that the world is peace. T________T This is the only thing which i could think of which is not about money!

Anyway, best of luck and you know you can always have my back!


Happy 23rd birthday!

I wuvvv you!

Baiiii!

Never learn.

Why do I always repeat the same mistake? Like again and again. I never learn, never never learn. Sometimes when something happened you fight for it aloud doesnt mean that you'll end up winning. Why i can never carve this in heart? I am a very aggresive girl, regardless of what i'm dealing with, aggresiveness always comes first of everything. WHY WHY WHY? I've been trying to change this bad habit of mine but can never succeed. NEVER.

Sometimes, its not that you're wrong, but you just cant voice up your say even though you stand on the right side. I've always complained why is this happening because it is not fair. IT IS NOT FAIR. I should just shove this phrase from my book because life is never fair. If its fair, why would there be some filthy rich ass ppl where money for them is like only a game of numbers and some ppl who work so hard as they're just earning for a living? So if you were born this way, you should just go with how you were moulded.

Such is life? I hope i could change it. But i know it well that no matter how hard you try, you would still be in the circle which you're meant to be in. What differs you from others is the height you could achieve in your circle itself. NOT ANOTHER CIRCLE. Its not impossible to jump off your circle and hop on another, but its HARD.

I will always remember this.
JUST NOD TO WHATEVER THE OTHER PARTY SAY WHEN YOU KNOW THEY WOULD HURT YOU OR YOUR FAMILY IF YOU WERE TO GO AGAINST. NEVER PUT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY'S LIVES AT RISK.